Managerial Dookie

Ever had a manager or coworker that you just couldn't stand? Someone who makes you dread going to work like you dreaded going to the dentist when you were younger?(or now, depending on your oral hygiene, I suppose) Someone who makes work so tedious, so tiresome, so thankless that you wish Odd Job would just walk through the door and lop off his head with his razor sharp hat? I think we've all had someone like this at one time or another in our work lives, and in mine it's Dan.

Dan is a military veteran of 22 years with a southern drawl so bad it makes me want to blink slow. He's balding, has huge, emo-rimmed glasses (for seeing, not style) and has a penchant for giving orders with nary a "thank you" nor "please" within 100 miles of the Mason-Dixon Line. His hobbies include talking to you as if you have no clue what's going on about anything...even if you've been working there for six years...and giving out jobs that in no way pertain to the actual job that you're supposed to be doing.

Now, I'm not unreasonable. Impolite, militaristic southern people I can handle. I work in customer service after all. It's impolite, militaristic southern people that make me come into work when it's raining and I have no car that really push my buttons. Now before you start foaming at the mouth, yelling that you have to go to work rain or shine, let me offer up some background info on my job.

I don't go in when it rains. Period. End of story. I work at a job such that when it rains there are no customers. When there are no customers there is no job for me to do, thus I do not go in. It worked out quite nicely until about four months ago. Enter Dan.

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"Dan is a military veteran of 22 years
with a southern drawl so bad it makes
me want to blink slow."

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When it rains, I call, make sure it's raining there as well, then go back to bed. Not so anymore. Every time it has rained since he has started working I have had to go into work. Every time. Each time when I go in he makes me stay for one to two hours then tells me to go home. Again, every single time. He knows I don't have a car. He knows I ride my bike to and from work.

So, being the exemplary employee I am, I haven't complained, I've just taken to writing "Bonus" on my time card on these days. This last Saturday I didn't even call when I woke up and found it to be raining. Just got up and went right into work. I sat outside for about an hour and a half before I gave up and went inside to find Dan. When I finally found him lounging in the office he looked up at me as if trying to pretend he was surprised to see me and said,

"Oh Jeff, I didn't even know you were here. I thought you would have known to call when it rains."

Seriously? Are you absolutely kidding me? You have me come into work every single rain day to date, and the one day I come in without calling you don't need me? That's unreal. This guy needs a punch in the teeth like...well, think of your appropriate simile: this guy needs a punch in the teeth.

But what could I do?

I left.

And, in case you couldn't tell, I'd rather be in Puerto Rico.